The Holy Family is a model which shows with particular clarity the features willed by God for every family: love and service; education and freedom; obedience and authority; etc. Children should respect and honor their parents, try to give them joy, pray for them and respond loyally to their love and care and the sacrifices they make for them. These duties should be for them a “most sweet precept.”
Divine fatherhood, the source of human paternity (cf. Eph 3:14-15), is the foundation of the honor due to parents (cf. Catechism, 2214). “Respect for parents (filial piety) derives from gratitude towards those who, by the gift of life, their love and their work, have brought their children into the world and enabled them to grow in stature, wisdom, and grace. ‘With all your heart honor your father, and do not forget the birth pangs of your mother. Remember that through your parents you were born; what can you give back to them that equals their gift to you?’ (Sir 7:27-28)” (Catechism, 2215).
Filial respect is shown in docility and obedience. “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is pleasing to the Lord” (Col 3:20). As long as they are subject to their parents, children must obey them in whatever they indicate for their own good and that of the family. This obligation ceases when children leave home, but the respect they owe to their parents never ceases (cf. Catechism, 2216-2217).
Naturally, were parents to command something contrary to the Law of God, children should put God’s will before the wishes of their parents, since “it is necessary to obey God rather than men” (Acts 5:29). “The fourth commandment reminds grown children of their responsibilities toward their parents. As much as they can, they must give them material and moral support in old age and in times of illness, loneliness, or distress” (Catechism, 2218).
The family situation is not always ideal. Here, too, God’s providence allows for difficult, painful or, at first glance, less than ideal family situations: single-parent families, separations, violence or a lack of love, etc. It may be helpful to consider that the fourth commandment “does not speak of parents’ goodness; it does not ask that fathers and mothers be perfect. It speaks about an act of the child, apart from the merits of the parents, and says something extraordinary and liberating: even if not all parents are good and not every childhood serene, all children can be happy, because achieving a full and happy life depends on the proper recognition of those who have brought us into the world . . . Many saints and countless Christians, after a painful childhood, have lived a luminous life, because, thanks to Christ they became reconciled with life” (Pope Francis, General Audience, 19 September 2018).
In these situations and always, children should avoid judging their parents and condemning them. On the contrary, as they mature, they should learn to forgive and to be understanding, without denying the reality of what they have experienced, but trying to consider and evaluate it from God’s perspective, both with regard to their parents and their own lives.